Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Board Game Review in Song Form - Zoneplex

Picture yourself in a pyramid temple
with triangle rooms you build on the fly.
Randomly place some rooms in the Zoneplex
and then move your monk to the eye.

Bright-colored monsters of pink, blue and green
manifest out of your head.
Team up with allies to take down the fears
and you'll win.

Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.
Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.
Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.

Floating in space, the pyramid temple
where luck rules the day and logic has died.
The pieces are nice but the story is trippy.
The designers were obviously high.

Talented artists created the game
and drew some exceptional art.
Too bad that Zoneplex makes no sense at all
and isn't fun.

Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.
Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.
Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.

Picture yourself playing some other game.
Zoneplex is strange and leaves too much to the die.
Production is solid but the game is just crazy.
It was made but I just don't know why.

Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.
Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.
Warrior monks fight space fears in Zoneplex.

(with sincere apologies to Lennon and McCartney)

Summary

Players: 3-5 people who have been ingesting hallucinogens

Pros:
Nice pieces
Cool art

Cons:
Luck is more important than playing well
Incoherent and bizarre

If you need an intellectually shallow way to play through your buzz while you mow down a bag of Doritos and listen to Pink Floyd, you can get Zoneplex through Game Salute:
http://shop.gamesalute.com/products/zoneplex

3 comments:

Wade Nelson said...

Fantastic :)

Kyle Gabhart said...

Nice Matt. Way to be a buzz kill...

crossgrain said...

Best. Review. Ever. I would have your babies and not even ask for child support, but I'm a guy :(