I've been talking about doing this for a while now, and it's about time I actually followed through. Inspired by the big holiday celebrating our nation's independence, I grabbed some American tradition with both hands, and spent some time on the thing that made this country what it is today - capitalism.
In order to make a more perfectly horrible website even more offensive, I've created some shirts that will be certain to earn you some odd stares when you go to the mall. I've got two going right now, and I have a few more designs to add down the road, when I get around to it. The first design you can buy, so that you can show me how much you love me and also give me money and also show people that you have absolutely no fashion sense whatsoever, is the Drake's Flames white tee. This is the stunning design you will be able to wear if you purchase this lovely garment:
Pretty sharp, huh? If you're looking for clothing that says, 'Ladies, I am available, probably because of shirts like this one,' this should do the trick. That's right, this shirt should be better than body odor for keeping your commitment to the Promisekeepers and avoiding consensual pairings of any kind.
And if you want to step it up a notch and really repel people, you should see the other shirt I made. This one will not just keep the women away. This shirt will probably get you a free trip to the police station! But it looks totally bad-ass, so while you're in jail, you can get a prison tattoo and start dating needy women you meet online who don't have the sense to avoid getting mixed up with prison convicts.
The first shirt - the white one - is cheaper. That's because white shirts are cheaper than black shirts. Couldn't I have designed the second one to go on a white shirt? Sure, I suppose I could have done that. But everyone knows that guys in black t-shirts have marginally more sex than guys in white t-shirts. Plus if you're going to have a killer robot cowboy gambler orc on your shirt, it should be black. The shirt, I mean, not the robot. The robot can be any ethnicity, unless you're in the Klan, and then the robot has to be both white and protestant.
In case you're worried that I don't intend to finish Quarriors half-a-week, have no fear. I'll be back on the evening of the big fat Fourth of July, and since I don't have any plans to get drunk, I should have no problem delivering a review of Quarmageddon, thus finishing Quarriors half-a-week.
Anyway, here are some links.
DRAKE'S FLAMES WHITE TEE
REAL MEN PLAY GAMES WHERE PEOPLE DIE TEE
Once these get uploaded and I get my store all cleaned up, I'll put up an ad, so all you consumers can throw money at me like I was a sweaty rock star. Or, more appropriately, a prostitute.