Friday, March 26, 2010

Big Announcement - Drake's Tales

I've decided to try something new. I had an idea based on a few different factors.

Factor 1: I like writing stuff. I may not be the next Steinbeck, but I do enjoy working in the English language. And frankly, writing game reviews all the time can get stale after a while, and I want to write different stuff.

Factor 2: For many people, writing is not a strength. Many people struggle to put together an email that doesn't sound like it was originally drafted in Portuguese and translated by a pirate. They're probably good at a lot of things at which I would fail completely, but they still can't communicate in writing.

Factor 3: Almost everyone has at least one really good story. Even if you grew up in a boring town with boring parents and went to a boring school, you probably had at least one interesting thing happen to you in your life. Whether you escaped drug dealers in Mexico City or made out with the head cheerleader in tenth grade, something interesting must have happened to you at least once in your otherwise grayscale life.

You can probably see where this is headed - I want to tell your stories. I'm starting a new blog called Drake's Tales, where I'll be writing one story a week. They'll all be true... mostly. For one thing, all the stories will be feature either John or Judy. Even if your name is Drewbert, I'll be changing it to John for the purposes of telling your story (which would be a shame, really, because Drewbert is a hilarious name). I'll even be telling some stories from my own life, if I run out of interesting stories from other people, but you won't really know if they're mine because they'll be about John.

Also, I'm taking all kinds of creative license. I'll do my best to keep your story as true as I can, but if I need random details, I'm adding them. I may describe the shocked look on your mom's face when you came in the house with your pants on backward, but that's just because you forgot to mention that your mother was upstairs with the postman at the time. I won't change the details you tell me, but I'll embellish at will.

One thing that's exceedingly important - if your story includes illegal crap that could still get you arrested, do yourself a favor and don't tell me about it. As much as I would love to tell the hilarious story of that one time when you cut up a body and lost the left arm in a gas station unisex bathroom, the first time some police officer asks me for details, I'll sell you directly down the river. I'm no priest, doctor or lawyer, and I'm not going to do time just because you weren't smart enough not to tell me about the night that got your face on America's Most Wanted.

And finally, there's the legal garbage. If you email me your story and I write it up, you can't sue me for royalties. You're granting me permission to relay that story to anyone who might read it, even if I manage to make a couple bucks at it one day. I'm not sending you a check for your titillating tale of college hijinks, even if you managed to put a VW Bus on top of the Empire State Building. Newspapers and magazines might pay their sources, but I'm not a newspaper, I'm a dork with an email address.

So if you want to let me tell your story, send me an email. Your story doesn't have to be funny - it could be frightening, exciting, or sad. It could be a silly tale about your first kiss, or it could be about the time you raced ostriches in Kenya while being chased by smugglers on jet skis. Give me as much or as little as you want, and I'll spin you a yarn. My email address for this project is:

And you can already read the first tale at I'll put up a story a week, even if I have to write about my vasectomy surgery.


=+=SuperflyTNT=+= said...

Don't talk about fight club, Matt.

This is a cool idea, and I like the fact you took the advice of some of your friends to put a "gangster shit" proviso in there to tell people that if they send in a Penthouse Letter that involves underage girls, they're going to be sent to the cops.

Hope this works out, you really are a stunningly good writer, although I suspect you already know that.

Anonymous said...

sounds like a whole lot of fun, I am looking forward to ready about J&J, I would love to send some stuff to you, but I have lead the most boring life of all, lol - that or everything I would talk about would land me in jail I mean!


Anonymous said...

I don't know you personally Mr. Drake..but I wanted to say that I very much appreciate your site. It has helped me weed through board games and honestly, I don't have much expertise in the area. I am trying to find games I can get others to play with me. I also like your videogame references. Regardless, I was hoping I could find an email contact and maybe I am just dumb but I could not find one. My name is Richard Wirtz and my email is a drakes tale. A 26 year old law student who uses a Pokemon name from when he was 12..awesome...anyways, thanks for giving us your time and I love your writing style...hilarious. take care.

Anonymous said...

I bet my vasectomy story is more interesting than yours!

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