Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I Suck

I have narcolepsy without cataplexy, which means that I start dreaming before I'm all the way asleep. Usually that means I sleep like crap, because my REM cycle is all screwed up. Sometimes those dreams (hallucinations, really) keep me from falling asleep, and leave me with some powerful insomnia.

Some of those insomnia nights mean I get absolutely no sleep at all. I mean, I pull an all-nighter whether I want it or not. That happens about twice a year, and it sucks, but I go home after work, go to bed, and I'm usually right as rain the next day.

But sometimes, every three to five years or so, the insomnia runs for a few nights in a row, and that's when it gets bad. I mean, I'm not sure I'm not hallucinating about actually writing this right now. And when it gets this bad, if I can't get some decent shut-eye, I start to exhibit symptoms of what some worthless Navy doctors called petite mal epilepsy, right before they gave me an honorable discharge and sent me packing. My body just says, 'look, bitch, if you're not going to let me shut down for a while, I'll do it myself.'

This would be one of those times. In the last 90 or so hours, I've been asleep for eight of them. In case you suck at math (and I do, especially when I'm so tired I can't walk a straight line), that means I've had a combined one full night of sleep in the last three. I'm effectively worthless at nearly any task, though I'm still going to work because what the hell, I'm awake anyway. The seizures haven't started yet, but they're not far off.

So tonight, I'm getting hopped up on over-the-counter sleep aids and going to bed. I hope to get about ten hours of sleep. But that means I'm not writing a review tonight, because it would be totally lame, and I would forget what game I had played before I got to the end of the review (I've already dozed off three times writing this lame-ass excuse).

Seriously, I'm still doing this. I'm still updating, and I'm still playing some of the worst games small press publishers can crap out, and I'm still just as cranky as ever (right now, more than normal). I know it's been a week since I wrote anything, but I'll have something Friday.

8 comments:

Dave said...

Narco runs in my family and technically I have it too. Sucks. Get better soon, love your reviews!

Kingdaddy said...

Wow, get better soon.

Wind Lane said...

I know how bad those types of runs can be. I get the "up all night whether I want it or not" bouts more often, but the halucinations haven't hit me in years and years - not since I was a kid.

Hope you pass out for a blissfully unconscious half day.

Anonymous said...

Narcolepsy: When Leprosy causes you to use narcotics to help with the agonizing pain.

Dude, STOP WRITING REVIEWS! Your fingers may indeed fall off while you're hopped up on Percocets and Oxycontins! Stop picking up little meeples or your skin may slough off like the mutant scene from "Robocop"! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

~Pete

Matt Drake said...

Thanks, guys. I slept 13 hours last night, so I feel pretty damned good now. And I'm pretty sure I don't have leprosy.

Anonymous said...

hey man love your blog, but don't want you to kill yourself over it! Best of luck I hope you get some shut eye!

Tamburlain said...

Yr in north TX, right? I think UTSW has a decent sleeping disorders lab/clinic. And I know we get referrals from the VA.

Anonymous said...

nice to know you are still funny even when you have not slept much! that sucks, glad you got some good sleep though, and thanks for the heads up that Dracula sucks.
Hendal