Friday, April 22, 2011

Illness Review - Strep Throat

I always thought strep throat was something you only got when you were in grade school. You know, from the nasty kid whose mom never washes him and who has to get to her job at the blowjob factory so she never lets him miss school even if he did just blow a manatee-size wad of green goo out his left nostril. That kid goes to school, and you go to school, and the next thing you know, your throat is swollen to three times normal size and you can't get out of bed for two days straight.

Well, it turns out, you can get that when you're a grown man. I know, because I woke up with it yesterday. Every time I swallow, it's like a sadistic policeman is tasing me in the throat. I haven't been awake for more than two hours in a row since Thursday morning. I tried to play A Game of Thrones LCG tonight with my family, but almost fell asleep before we finished the second turn. Now I'm staggering around, head all dizzy like someone scrubbed out my brain and replaced it with clean tampons, body aching like I just went five rounds with Rocky Balboa and one of the psychotic bastards from Ultimate Fighting. I can't take another antibiotic until morning, which isn't as sad as it could be, because that means I don't have to swallow it.

I'm off to catch another six hours of fitful shut-eye, after which I will no doubt be just awake enough to hunger for something I couldn't possibly hope to swallow without having a nuclear warhead explode in my trachea.


Wind Lane said...

I've never had strep, but I got an infection in my uvula years back, where it swelled to the size of a large grape. I had to be leaning forward or backward just to breath.

But because it got so swollen from that, even after I'd taken all the antibiotics to get the infection out of my system I found that any night of heavy snoring would cause my uvula to swell up again. It's basically been stretched out, so it's prone to it now.

Whenever I have one of those nights I wake up with a tough time swallowing like you're describing - hurts, difficult, would rather not.

I've just got the slightly lucky thing that it wears off after a few hours and orange juice helps it recover even faster.

Hope you feel better soon, and be glad it's not something that you can keep waking up with without any infection just because your body's learned a new trick.

=+=SuperflyTNT=+= said...

Matt, I worked in a day care and got this shit once or twice a year.

2 Tylenol X strength takes the tasing down to a mere sandpapering, makes it a lot more livable.

Good luck, brother.

Matt Drake said...

Thanks for the tip, TNT. I'll keep that in mind for next time. It's beat for now, but God only knows when some other bum decides to come to work with a communicable disease.